Pete Holmes | Some people think God created the universe
"Some people think God created the universe. Some people think nothing created the universe, which is the funniest guess and the nothing people make fun of the God people. They say, God doesn't exist. I'm like, okay, maybe. But you know what? Definitely doesn't exist. Nothing. That's the defining characteristic of nothing is that it doesn't exist. So what are we talking about? Either you think it's God, something you can't see, touch, taste, photograph, and science can't prove, or you think it's nothing, something you can't see. Touch, taste, photograph, and science can't prove. But I think we can all agree if nothing, if you are nothing, sometimes spontaneously erupts into everything. That's a pretty goddamn magical fucking nothing you guys and ask.
Ask the nothing people, what happens when you die? They'll tell you nothing. You go into nothing. I'm like, you mean you merge back with your creator? That's heaven, bitch."
Pete Holmes